I thought I made a promise that I will try to write consistently if not regularly. Then I compromised with myself and made it sporadically. Well, sporadic turned into intermittent before becoming totally defunct.
Except...it didn’t.
I was just dealing with some stuff.
Quick recap time:
- Started doing Yoga with an excellent guru who comes home and makes me stand on my head every other day. It's fantastic and I cannot believe how good it feels.
- Deleted Tinder after I had amassed a respectable list of guys I could go out with.
- Met someone and promptly got my heart broken and handed back to me within three months. Surprising and scary how things don’t change even a little in some ways.
- Realised that turning 39 has a lot to do with how my body perceives the number and little to do with how my mind calculates my age. More on this later, maybe?
- Understood that anything you change in your body changes you back – good and bad. Definitely more on this later!
- Experiencing (ongoing thing) hair loss for the first time in my entire lived life. It’s a bunch of things, none of them bad (well, maybe one of them is bad). My hair has been a constant source of confidence and certainty in my life, and I have never played with it too much, so it did jolt me when it started but after discussing with a dear friend who went through something similar for similar reasons, and after noticing what is happening with me, I am at peace with losing hair and know that it will grow back once my body settles.
- Got back into teaching more regularly and came to the realisation that whatever it is that is going wrong in my life will feel better if I am teaching and doing it well. (Note to self: This is key information that I should not forget.)
- Started cooking more (a LOT of it is putting a tadka in a daal that was cooked by my sister and hand-delivered to me by my driver, but there are smatterings of pizza, sandwiches, rice and other stuff in there too, so I’m alright.)
- Have also realised that my cat Minki is still a kitten (under 2 years) and has way too much energy for me to handle. She demands play time about 5-6 times a day, and as much as I try to accommodate her, my physical strengths just don’t have that stretch anymore!
- Found a therapist who is willing to fight with me as I fight against my worst. This is new, refreshing and not gonna lie, a bit unsettling. But I'm sticking to it for now, and hoping against hope that this will stick too.
- Speaking of, getting a diagnosis has been critical to my healing. I'm unsure how to write about it yet, but I know I will when I have a better handle on this. For years and years, I have swum in these muddy waters, not seeing that the shallower they got, the harder I hit the floor beneath. But today, I have tools, I have help and I have friends telling me what to read when I feel like throwing it all under the bus. I think I'll be alright!
So, this is what you missed.
This is what I missed.
I think before the year is over, I'll be back with another essay, maybe a poem or two, and a whole lot of cheer for the new year. Yeah.
How’ve you been?